I was snacking on spicy beef jerky once, when I realised that I no longer found its flavour hot. Although I still found it delicious, I yearned for a bigger kick. The hours went by, and I still felt the hankering for something spicy, so when I pulled my pork chop off the hot plate, I covered it in chilli sauce. I felt satisfied... for a while. The hunt for spicier and spicier foods became a hobby of sorts, and I fear that I’ll either never get to the end of the list of hot food, or I’ll have a spice-induced aneurysm.
In many ways, spicy food is a lot like metal. At the start, you find it obnoxious, painful and far too much for your taste. But after a while you find some small part that you enjoy, and that’s when it gets its hooks into you. You start listening to heavier and heavier music. It’s an addiction, but a good one; I’ve never seen anyone selling their mouths for baggies of metal. The pathway to the deepest, darkest, dankest metal can come in many forms, so let’s examine a few.
The Mainstream Path
Let’s go back to when people thought Metallica was heavier than getting stuck in 1955 Hill Valley. Getting a taste for early thrash, you’d start listening to Slayer and Anthrax. In the same era, the next heaviest thing to go to would be Pantera. Gaining a taste for southern blues riffs that are more delicious than buffalo wings, it’s easy to hypothesise that Lamb Of God would be next on the list. The speed, grind and power of LOG opens up a whole heap of avenues, and now you’re metal as fuck. You can even keep the same denim clothes the whole way through this progression.
The Nu-Metal Path
You probably saw Korn’s ‘Got The Life’ film clip on Video Hits in 1998, and thought, “Holy fuck, Adidas tracksuits are cool as shit” and instantly took a liking to the band. Next, you’d probably follow the breakdancing to Limp Bizkit, and then get hooked on the kombucha with System Of A Down. From SOAD the next step is to pirate some Mudvayne off Limewire. Trade in your fake horns and face paint for scary as fuck masks, and you’re now a Slipknot fan. Guess what kids, you’re now a metalhead.
The Nordic Path
Ever since primary school you thought the keyboard was pretty bad arse, and your eccentric music teacher got you listening to Nightwish. You’ll probably end up at a school camp on the banks of a lake, and after all of your mates get eaten by a watery demon, you’ll either develop PTSD or start listening to Children Of Bodom. If you appreciate the melodic whimsy of Children Of Bodom, you might crave something similarly melodic yet more serious; like the sounds made by Opeth. From there, you can get in a long ship and continue the saga with Amon Amarth and Behemoth.
The Punk Path
Let’s get one thing straight, third wave punk was the greatest thing to happen in the 90s, even topping President Clinton under-the-desk policy. The path from Anti-Flag to Agnostic Front, and Ten Foot Pole to Terror, is easy to stomp down. Now in the realms of hardcore, you’ve traded in songs about hitching a ride to spitting your rage. The fast pace and breakdowns that chug harder than a football fan have set your appetite for more of the core. Killswitch Engage and Parkway Drive seem like the next logical step in evolution.
The Cartoon Path
You were flicking through Adult Swim with a blinding hangover one day on cable TV, when on came across a show about the best metal band in the world - Dethklok. You’ve unleashed the Kraken, and now not even birthdays are safe from your new found love for metal. You’ll go and listen to Finntroll, Iced Earth, Dimmu Borgir and Malevolent Creation because they were subliminally laid into your brain like a wasp’s eggs into a spider’s paralysed living carcass. Brutal.
There you have it folks, five paths to go from a normie to a devout metalhead. Even Dorothy followed a path and went from a Kansas farm girl, to a witch melting psychopath... and that’s pretty metal.
What path did you take? Drop it in the comments like a knowledge bomb.
- Ed Howson
