Heavy Metal Stereotypes

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  • Heavy Metal Stereotypes
    POSTED 5 Dec 2017

    There are fucking thousands of metal stereotypes. Each has its own unique dress code. You've heard ‘Don't judge a book by its cover', but now hear this: ‘Fuck that shit'. If you're easily offended, go back to Tumblr now. If you can take a joke, read on.

    Black Metal

    These fans will always wear all black, like some sort of leather jacket wearing crow. Spikes, chains, inverted crosses and boots with more sole than them. These aren't your dad's puns, they're turbo puns. The straight black hair says, "I'd smile, but the weight of my goatee won't allow it".

    Recommended Listening: Mgla - Exercises In Futility

    Nu Metal

    In the 1980s a trend started with African-Americans of wearing clothes many sizes too big. It was a subtle way of telling members from rival gangs that they had a big brother and were not to be messed with. Somewhere during the 90s this became popular with white kids and became synonymous with Nu metal. Skate shoes, baggy denim trousers, basketball tees and backwards fitting caps are all the rage.

    Recommended Listening: Limp Bizkit - Significant Other

    Post-Hardcore

    The girls of this group will denim short-shorts, singlet, a lip-ring, and proclaim that A Day To Remember is the heaviest band in the world. The guys will wear skinny jeans, vans, tattooed sleeves and are either really nice or complete wankers, there is no middle ground. They will also pretend to agree that A Day To Remember is the heaviest band in the world to try and sleep with Post-Hardcore girls.

    Recommended Listening: A Day To Remember - Bad Vibrations

     

    Viking Metal

    These guys are usually adorned with unkempt hair and beards longer than a saga. They'll write in runes, drink from a cow's horn and worship Thor; and have absolutely no Scandinavian heritage. A beer-gut is usually included, on account of the mead and red meat chewed straight off the bone.

    Recommended Listening: Amon Amarth - With Oden On Our Side

     

    Power Metal

    The term 'nerrrrrrddddddd' comes to mind. They have golden locks, are freshly shaven and are probably Lords Of The Rings fans. They will argue that Star Wars isn't the best trilogy of all time, but will agree with everyone that episodes 1-3 can eat a dick. They'll proclaim that their style of metal is ‘Beethoven with electricity' without actually realising that Beethoven and electricity coincide in human history. They'll insult everyone for not knowing music theory and often come across as a pseudo-intellectual by pointing out that the chord you just heard was not an E-minor seventh but an E-minor flat seventh with a slight hint of vibrato.

    Recommended Listening: Blind Guardian - Nightfall in Middle Earth

     

    Thrash Metal

    These guys and gals wear more denim than yokels at a cotton-field ho-down. Cut-off denim vests will sport badges, patches and booze stains, much like punk-kids from the 1970s but with no concept of what a haircut is. They definitely listen to Slayer and Pantera and love wearing Confederate flags to gigs. They believe that they are the only true metalheads, and will sucker punch anyone that disagrees.

    Recommended Listening: Pantera - Cowboys From Hell

     

    Little-bit-of-everything Metal

    These people are also known as metal hipsters. Rainbow tie-dyed shirts that are 15 sizes too big, skinny shorts, laceless shoes and lack of muscular integrity. They are the Justin Bieber's of the metal world, most definitely don't know how to mosh, and will proclaim that electro-dance incorporated into breakdowns is ‘lit'.

    Got a mate that conforms to one of these dress codes? Tag them in the comments

    Ed Howson

     

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Submitted by Site Factory admin on Tue, 12/05/2017 - 00:14

There are fucking thousands of metal stereotypes. Each has its own unique dress code. You've heard ‘Don't judge a book by its cover', but now hear this: ‘Fuck that shit'. If you're easily offended, go back to Tumblr now. If you can take a joke, read on.

Black Metal

These fans will always wear all black, like some sort of leather jacket wearing crow. Spikes, chains, inverted crosses and boots with more sole than them. These aren't your dad's puns, they're turbo puns. The straight black hair says, "I'd smile, but the weight of my goatee won't allow it".

Recommended Listening: Mgla - Exercises In Futility

Nu Metal

In the 1980s a trend started with African-Americans of wearing clothes many sizes too big. It was a subtle way of telling members from rival gangs that they had a big brother and were not to be messed with. Somewhere during the 90s this became popular with white kids and became synonymous with Nu metal. Skate shoes, baggy denim trousers, basketball tees and backwards fitting caps are all the rage.

Recommended Listening: Limp Bizkit - Significant Other

Post-Hardcore

The girls of this group will denim short-shorts, singlet, a lip-ring, and proclaim that A Day To Remember is the heaviest band in the world. The guys will wear skinny jeans, vans, tattooed sleeves and are either really nice or complete wankers, there is no middle ground. They will also pretend to agree that A Day To Remember is the heaviest band in the world to try and sleep with Post-Hardcore girls.

Recommended Listening: A Day To Remember - Bad Vibrations

 

Viking Metal

These guys are usually adorned with unkempt hair and beards longer than a saga. They'll write in runes, drink from a cow's horn and worship Thor; and have absolutely no Scandinavian heritage. A beer-gut is usually included, on account of the mead and red meat chewed straight off the bone.

Recommended Listening: Amon Amarth - With Oden On Our Side

 

Power Metal

The term 'nerrrrrrddddddd' comes to mind. They have golden locks, are freshly shaven and are probably Lords Of The Rings fans. They will argue that Star Wars isn't the best trilogy of all time, but will agree with everyone that episodes 1-3 can eat a dick. They'll proclaim that their style of metal is ‘Beethoven with electricity' without actually realising that Beethoven and electricity coincide in human history. They'll insult everyone for not knowing music theory and often come across as a pseudo-intellectual by pointing out that the chord you just heard was not an E-minor seventh but an E-minor flat seventh with a slight hint of vibrato.

Recommended Listening: Blind Guardian - Nightfall in Middle Earth

 

Thrash Metal

These guys and gals wear more denim than yokels at a cotton-field ho-down. Cut-off denim vests will sport badges, patches and booze stains, much like punk-kids from the 1970s but with no concept of what a haircut is. They definitely listen to Slayer and Pantera and love wearing Confederate flags to gigs. They believe that they are the only true metalheads, and will sucker punch anyone that disagrees.

Recommended Listening: Pantera - Cowboys From Hell

 

Little-bit-of-everything Metal

These people are also known as metal hipsters. Rainbow tie-dyed shirts that are 15 sizes too big, skinny shorts, laceless shoes and lack of muscular integrity. They are the Justin Bieber's of the metal world, most definitely don't know how to mosh, and will proclaim that electro-dance incorporated into breakdowns is ‘lit'.

Got a mate that conforms to one of these dress codes? Tag them in the comments

Ed Howson

 

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Heavy Metal Stereotypes
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